Never in my life, ever. Did I think it would take 30 years to show the people that I love and adore , the true me! It was truly one of the easiest and most difficult things I've ever done in my life. I really dont know the moment I snapped, and said No More.....Stop this madness and make things right within yourself and with those who love and have been there for you, no matter what. But It Snapped, and when it did, i felt a wave of emotion in me like ive never known! I was hurting so bad...i wasnt able to focus on anything more than a minute @ a time, and I just wanted to come clean! to shout to everyone....Im gay! Im gay!....crucify me if you must....Im gay!
For those who have known me for any length of time....know, ive dated women, i did the whole diversion of Look @ me...im not gay, im dating this attractive woman! I did that for Years! Not to say that i didnt enjoy the company of women, but it wasnt what i wanted!
My family , well lets just say the majority of them arent...shall we say, cultured, for a lack of a better word.! and you know what...IM not gonna blame anyone for my cowardish behavior of not coming out! I wont be that guy. i take responsibility for my lying, backstabbing, misleading... I guess what im trying to say is...I blame myself...I have alot of self-hatred im still working through. you cant live that long as a lie and not have self-hatred, you just cant!
My issue now....Well, the issue is to continue coming out on my terms to the people i love....and let the cards fall where they may. I just want to live my life. to be the guy i know I am. Ive never liked labels, still dont. Im just who I am. and im slowly realizing with the help of some amazing friends and the love and blessings of Jesus Christ.....that who i am, is good enough.
