The whirling of the fan seems extra loud and intrusive today. I stretch & rub my eyes, every muscle in my body is tense & i am really having difficulty focusing on one thought of 100's racing through my brain.
Glancing outside i notice the leaves are finally starting to change..& falling a little. This time of year always leaves me feeling heavy & sad. I suppose i am always sad. right?
In January of this year, i made a promise to myself. I would see this year through to the end. (Hey, i made it this far). I held on..honestly, to whatever that would keep me afloat. Medicated, i think sometimes it is working. Then sometimes i am just so unsure & confused.
This world is weird & confusing & so hard to navigate, man. It's a massive chess game.(fyi. I suck at chess) Every move we make is so important & yet so meaningless. I keep playing, learning, hoping to get better. I am no different than anyone else on this planet, allthough i feel different.
As this year is starting to wind down, i am a little scared. I intend to keep the promise i made & will more than likely make a new promise on New years eve.
Survive i must.
