Frankie Ballard- Soulshine ♥

"The wedding would be nice for our family, our friends, our community -- our moms especially -- and so it puts us in the fight. We can't get married until [gay] marriage is legal and equal...I think giving people the right to marry will be a huge movement in civil rights." <3

For once my eyes are open to you, and everything you"ve said. For once your web of lies is in the open. I gave you everything I had, until I had nothing left. Now still you act as if Im just a burden. Ive finally let go.

Stay silent at least for now, and let me move on. Because Im so done playing these games with my heart Ive been around the world and back for you, and now its time to choose.

Ive been swallowed by this wreck that you call your life. Im damaged from the inside. Ive been broken. Dont threaten me with what you think I feel. If you could read my mind you'd be in tears.

Im sick of your excuses you hold above me. Ive finally come to terms with what I am. Im nothing in your eyes, and this will not change. Im living in a dream.

Writing in the early morning hours is so comforting to me, always has beeen. i adore the idealistic quietness of the dawn of morning. so new, so freesh, minds clear, thoughts not racing to explode from every angle of my cranium! i sometimes find it hard to sit quietly and write these days. I guess the ageing processs is making me more impatient than not, kinda working in reverse for this unstable work in progress. But i shall not let it flaw my process of being.

Ive been utterly sick as a rollercoaster rider the last 6 days, Ive layed in bed nursing all my ailments, getting up to use the bathroom, occasionally checking email, then straight back to lay down, too weak to do much else. the bug i have must come in massive stages, cause as soon as i think its deceased, BLAM! its back with a friend or two. But, ive caught up on alot of reading and watched a dozen and a half dvds, drank alot of tea, taken way too many meds & have managed to survive thus far. :)

Im not sure if it was the combination of sickness and medication. but ive been having the most lucid dreams, i think ive ever had. clear, vivid. But not just dreams, more like visual slideshows of my life, moments in time, broken up in lil shorts. bursting into my head as i lay sick with my head under my pillow. Blinding my thoughts with laughter of days gone by, memories of childhood. flashes of memories that i cant place....but know they must of beeen true, cuz the people are so real...I can touch, I can feel skin & the fabric of their clothing. @ one point i could actuall smell fall leaves in my dream. I woke up sweating and shaken to a darken room with my alarm clock flashing like a red beacon of reality.

But like i said....maybe its just combination of the meds with my wild imagination...but in light of everything ive experienced lately, im enjoying this break from reality. Sounds like ive snapped eh? Well, never fear , im as sane as you.

as I sit here now. the lack of sound is deafening. Im watching my shadow on the wall with great interest, not reallly sure why. Redundance has seemed to become the core of my being. I guess this shadow symbolizies me still being here. the black haunted figures moves even as i type this.