Need the sun to break- James Bay

My life is worth living.  Geez, even typing that feels fraudulent & I suppose it's true..I must have a purpose.

I am on this circular ball in the universe for something right?

I have been trying to spend more time with my family. Its uncomfortable and i feel so out of place. I am sure its just me. But i dont seem to fit in anywhere. I am out here on my own, just floating, orbiting around the ones i love, wanting to land safe, but the fear of crashing & burning keeps me hovering high . i may never feel truly comfortable in my skin and being myself, truely myself around anyone.

 I try to not think about my life as it is, at this point in my life.

 I sometimes fantasize i am this energetic superhuman  that has no feelings other than positive &  uplifting. I think if i found someone to share my life with, i coud manage to turn things around. I know ya shouldn't put ya happiness on someone else...but i am beyond lonely.  Is it too late for me? Have i waited too long?  Am i even capable of that kind of love?  I hope i'm not too late.

Today is here.

I have to be honest it's been a really tough summer for me. I've spent many days wanting to give it all up and seriously contemplating how I would end my life.

That's not just this summer. I have a battle that goes on in my head every single day and I've been fighting this battle the majority of my adult life.

As most people living with depression I do a good job of hiding it from friends and family.. but if it weren't for them I would not be here today and that is a fact

I'm very thankful to have a few amazing friends who have been there for me even through the very very low times.  it doesn't get easier.. but I am still here