Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived an enormous giant. He was at least ten feet tall, with a mop of red hair and a beard, and in his hand he carried a mighty axe.

Every year, on the same day, at the same time, the giant would walk down from the mountains which were his home, to stand outside the castle walls, terrorizing the inhabitants.

‘Come, send me your bravest man, I will fight him,’ the giant would shout, towering over the wall and waving his axe menacingly. ‘Send me someone to fight, or I will knock down your castle walls and kill everyone with my axe.

And every year, the gate in the castle wall would open slowly and fearfully, and one poor, valiant soul would walk out to face the foe and certain death.

‘Is this the best you can do?’ the giant would laugh mockingly. The poor wretch would stand, mesmerized by the enormity of the giant and the task in hand. Not one person had even managed to draw his sword, before the giant would crush them with his mighty fist, and chop them into tiny pieces with his axe.

But then one day, a young prince arrived in the town. ‘Why does everyone here look so frightened and sad?’ he asked a fellow traveler.

‘You haven’t seen the giant yet,’ replied the traveler.

‘What giant?’ asked the young prince, intrigued.

The traveler told the tale.

“Every year, on this very day, the giant arrives and challenges our bravest to a duel. And every year, he slays them exactly where they stand. They don’t even move or draw their swords. It’s as though the giant hypnotizes them.’

‘We’ll see about that,’ said the young prince.

When the giant arrived late that day, the prince was waiting for him.

‘Come, send me your bravest man, and I will fight him,’ the giant shouted.

‘I am here,’ said the young prince, throwing open the gate, and striding out towards him.

For a moment, they stood and faced each other. Although the giant was still a long way away from him, the prince was instantly stuck by the sheer size and shocking appearance of his opponent.

But, summoning up all his courage, he started to walk towards the giant, brandishing his sword, and never taking eyes off that dreadful face with the red hair and red beard.

Suddenly, he realized that as he was walking, the giant – rather than appearing larger – actually began to shrink before his very eyes. He stopped and stared. The giant was only five feet tall.

He walked much closed to the giant, then stopped and stared. Now the giant was only two feet tall. He continued walking until he was face to face with the giant, and each step the prince took, he saw the giant shrink. By now the giant was so small, that he looked up at the young prince. He was only 12 inches tall.

The young prince took his sword, and plunged it into the giant’s heart.

As the giant lay dying on the ground, the young prince bent down and whispered to him, “Who are you?”

With his dying breath, the giant replied, ‘My name is Fear.’   -Margaret Perkin

One more light.⭐

I can't sleep.  so much going on in my mind.  nothing new. At this hour nothing seems in place,  it's quiet but my brain is as loud as a marching band.

I am unwell.  my mental health is going to kill me.  this sickness inside me.  the death grip it has on my thoughts is paralyzing. I can't breathe.  I don't deal well with loss. A good friend was taken, just ripped from this Earth.  launched into the unknown, amongst the many people I love.  he is just floating there. flashes of my mortality are all I see. they are free.  out there

I promise I'm not trying to sound crazy.

I can't seem to contain anything, any sane logic or thought. I don't know how to go about seeking the help that I need. all I seem to think about lately is death. how we can be breathing, talking, able to touch our loved ones, and then the next second our bodies, our life is gone..that is frightening.  to just disappear. your lifetime of possessions just there.  your Facebook still signed in. your pets now abandoned.  no way of knowing. Everything about you is memories.

I sometimes feel myself slipping away, my heart slowing down so much I don't even hear a heartbeat anymore, laying as still as I can.  maybe I will just dissolve into nothing, scattered sparkles floating in the air.  I know what it's like to want to die.  to be so alone and filled with anger & anxiety and extreme fear of living.  the brink.  I've been there.

What stops someone from taking their own life?...can anything? Is it already programmed into our brains? Fate? Circumstance?  

What makes someone want to live? I keep holding onto hope, that tomorrow will be different, that one day i won't feel this way. But knowing that it might not be is terrifying.

Last of his kind.

Everyone once in awhile i have to remind myself i am indeed human. Atleast i think i am.

I had a middle school teacher tell me once i was too sensitive for the generation i was living in. She was right. I've always been that guy with strong emotional reaction to almost anything.  I spent a great deal of my 20s disecting my brain & destroying my heart.  I've always felt things 110% , be it good or bad.

Sometimes i think i am self indulgent & selfish. I keep all these feelings to myself..all these emotions swirling around inside my mind & body...sloshing around & making my insides all oogey and gross. Years and years of supression, sexual abuse, self hatred. Being that sensitive guy that lets things pass through him.  I lied to access love. I lied, putting on the most glamourous of plays, rivaling any broadway production.

I've lost great loves, even if our body parts didn't align sexually, their minds and adorance of me overflowing any limit i possessed.  I wanted love. Female affection was there for me, when a males touch was too painful and out of reach.  I regret deeply hurting those i loved, you have no idea how much.

If i could go back and relive my life..i would do things much differently.  The rage i have for young gay males is absurd.. The jealously i feel towards them. I could of been that guy. Not so sensitive. The fighter, who couldnt be tricked into losing his innocent in his childhood bedroom, the bedroom i shared with my brother, the monster i loved.

There are many reasons i am the guy i am today. Some i am proud of ...some i will never be.  I wanna scream.  Shame has always been with me.  I rememeber feeling shame as young as 4 or 5.  That is NOT normal.

I want to believe i will be okay , some day. I do have faith in God, my spirituality has carried me a million miles. Some days i feel it's enough. Then some days i wonder why i possess the strength to even exsist. But i do. And don't question it.

Yes i am sensitive. Do i wish i wasnt sometimes? Sure.  Would i have survived all i have if i wasn't? Who knows.