June 2nd would have beeen my daddys 74th birthday. Yes, an old man. I wish he were here to talk to. I have come to realize in my twenty-eight years that we can't ever go back. Im sure others learn it so much faster, and are better people for it. "Not i" said the foolish boy at heart.

Im so extremely tired of feeling guilty....guilty for living, smiling, feeling any array of emotions that may pass me during the day. She was so sick, He was taken entirely too soon. She always made the decision to fight, he didnt care to. What do i do?

Its the Bullshit from the past, that fogs my vision of the future and resorts my thought to being so negative i cant cope. I wanna tell People what god Has done in my life. The chance he has given me.
In my mind im a storyteller, the one who rectifys everything, makes things once broken, whole again.. But do i really know anything, ABOUT ANYTHING? all i know is what i know!.

Its okay Mama, im not gonna let anything happen to you. or to me. Everyday we had was a miricle. doesnt get easier having said that or typed it...No, but its true nonetheless. Hugs? No, ill pass. I dont wanna feel that kind pain that comes with unconditional love...My heart cant take another break. The world is a much different place without my mother, thats for certain. Its hard to connect A to B The heartstrings of my tattered family.

Dont look back you say...how can i not?
Alot of doubt and fear in my life...consume me.
How relevent are you in my life?
A message on a voicemail is worth it.
Cant delete....too final.
Just Breathe- Easier for me.
The thing about Grace, it really heals you if you let it....How can i let it? If i dont feel sad, angry......that means happiness comes into play...How can i be happy?
First gift ever given to me
...........Life.............
Symbolic i find myself not wanting to look ahead...
Just live.....its all i can do at the moment.
Day 2 day!.....Just live.

Pictures of my Hometown...They make me a little Homesick.!!

my High School..I only spend half a year here before we moved....But i loved it so.

Louvee Movie theate.....where my love of Movies and the big screen First started....I remember seeing my first movie here....Ghost dad with Bill Cosby.. I started in Night of the Living dead with my brothers, but the canibalistic effects of the movie were 2 much for me, i guess..so had to switch

The Smallest Krogers in Ohio....Possibly the united states.. My moms favorite store...she refused to switch stores when the new "Foodland" moved in to town.....That was my mama....Loyal till the end.

Family Crest

Bright Shiny Morning!!!.....Buy it!

I am not an avid Oprah fan , but in the last few years she & her show has gone from being helpful and informative (for her viewers) to just being all about Oprah. Who cares about her new hairdo? This, however, takes the cake. She is leading millions of people to down a wrong path.., plain and simple. Her true nature showed, when she said, “God’s jealous of me?” No, Oprah, it’s not about you and if you had opened your bible and read it, you would understand that. As i said..im not a big fan of her show to begin with, but my sister is and does buy her magazine.

I always knew there was something odd about her. SHE puts on to be so perfect, kind, giving and etc. She is out for herself. It really sent my blood boiling when she publicly humiliated James Frey on her program, after endorcing his amazing book, giving him all the praise in the world then, absolutely blindsiding him on national tv...thats not something i could forgive easy. I just recently ord

ered his new book on Amazon.....Let me tell you, its an amazing read. I recommend it soooo highly.

Why on earth am i ranting again Oprah Winfrey of all people you may ask.?? Well the answer can be summed up in one word...Hypocricy!

However long the night, the dawn will break.

I'm INSANELY bored right now and have nothing better to do than ramble on this here Blog..hehe... But that's what it's here for so off I go...

(Deep Breath and.....)...you had my heart, as least for the most part. I wanna go into a blog about my feelings....But i dont have the energy.

Bad manic night tonight. Bad day today, im sure it will be. its 4am and the thoughts never seem to quit. Lots of yelling from next door. Who could sleep? I want very little right now. Peace. Quiet. My own mind back. I'm just tired, but I can't sleep. If I try I'll just lay thinking. That never turns out well. Just feeling self indulgent and self-piteous right now. Tomorrows another day. I'll make it better than today. Okay, this turned out WAAAYYYY more introspective and disturbing sounding than I thought it would. lol. Im off to find my dreams, they cant run forever..:)

"WHY DAVID COOK WILL WIN AMERICAN IDOL" By Craig BermanMSNBC contributor

It would be easy to end this discussion quickly by saying David Cook will win because he's better. But instead, I'll use the balance of my time and say that Cook will win "American Idol" because Chris Daughtry didn't."Idol" is still the top-rated show in the country despite the haters' attempts to knock it off its perch, but there's no question that Daughtry's elimination started the show tilting in the wrong direction. Had he been the winner in season five, the Idol list of champions would have gone Clarkson-Studdard-Fantasia-Underwood-Daughtry, otherwise known as four successes in five seasons. Instead we got Taylor Hicks followed by Jordin Sparks, which hasn't exactly helped the show build a reputation as a star-producing factory.Good news, "Idol" fans! You may have screwed things up two years ago by picking the fun guy over the actual star in waiting, but you have a chance to rectify that this week.And you will.Because let's be honest here — the country has suffered from buyer's remorse ever since it decided to evict Daughtry early. His career has taken off, as "Idol" fans atone for their previous sins by downloading his singles and buying his albums. He even opened for Bon Jovi on tour, which is way cooler than anything this group of finalists can dream of.Cook doesn't have that same vibe, but he's close. He's never karaoke, yet he's able to work everything from Dolly Parton to Neil Diamond to Roberta Flack into his comfort zone. And he's proven to be far more adaptable at being both unique and conforming, showing that he knows how each song was meant to be sung and then putting his own spin on things.That's the trickiest skill that "Idol" judges ask the finalists to master, and most fail miserably.

Cook gives everyone enough old-school notes to convince the judges that he's taking it seriously, but throws in enough wrinkles to make the tunes contemporary. The producers couldn't have drawn up a more musically-appropriate finalist if they'd rigged one up in a machine shop.Simply put, Cook's sound is better equipped to sell music. It's got enough of a hip vibe to appear on contemporary rock stations without sounding too ridiculous, but it's friendly enough to appear on work-safe Lite Rock 101 as well.Turn on the radio Go ahead. I'll wait. Do the singers you hear sound more like Cook, with this slightly-edgy-and-yet-entirely-unthreatening style? Or do they sound like Archuleta's ... whatever.Cook also has the right personality to appeal to voters. True, he lacks the "Oh my golly! This is neato-torpedo!" charm of Archuleta, but he's no threat to mainstream sensibilities either. If he has any skeletons in his closet, they are well hidden. So are any tattoos.He's calm and polite, and comes across like someone who cares very much about winning without being a threat to break down in hysterical sobs if he loses. With his laid-back, sardonic and cynical interview style, he could be a rock star already.Not only do the show's fans want David Cook to win, the judges and the producers likely do as well.At this point the show doesn't need a young winner who's long on potential. "Idol" needs someone who succeeds immediately, so the show's producers can quit answering those nagging questions about where all the viewers have gone and get back to discussing the show as a training ground for future stars.

The judges and producers can't control who the people vote for. But they can nudge the needle, either by offering withering criticism or failing to make a big deal of a favorite's gaffes.They've wanted Archuleta in the finals all season, When he missed a lyric earlier this year, his mistake was turned into a "Ha ha, you big dope, try not to do it again" teaching lesson, as opposed to the slams that occurred when Brooke White and Jason Castro had similar screwups.Cook didn't start the season with that kind of rope, and even got into a bit of a snipe-fest with Simon early. But he quickly learned to hold his tongue, and Simon was converted into a fan. Now, at worst, Cook is the judges' co-favorite, and judging by the comments in recent weeks he's probably their preferred "Idol" champ.Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood — what do these "Idol" greats have in common? Even when they were lowly contestants forced to listen to the banter from the judges, they all sounded like people already on the radio. Put Cook in the studio, give him some good songs to work with and voila, a hit.That's what the show wants. And that will tip the balance and make Cook the seventh "American Idol.

Gosh, where do the years go?. seems like only yesterday I was babysittin these little tots.

Only a man

I've been listening to a few cd's lately- more than usualy i suppose. i've neeeded some major motivation to keep my head up. Of course i pray and give all my burdens to Jesus when i feel as tho i can handle no more on my own.
Sometimes i just need music to carry my heart, might sound funny to some, im sure. but my life has always seemed to be revolved around some sort of music, weather it be faith-based to Metal.
I've been so extremely lonely lately. I bring most of this solitation on myself. Im so stubborn, so unsure of myself. If i could wish myself away one trait i dislike about myself...im positive that would be the one.
I dont think im relationship material. I guess i never have been, Im not willing to open up the way i should. I have come to realize what some people have said about me is true Maybe i'll never find love, never get married. Maybe, just maybe my life is destined to be a solitare one.
But anyways...I digress. wasnt i talking about cd's and music? I seem to always get off track on these blogs......Maybe its the rain, who knows? Maybe its because i feel i have no security, no safe place to go....to be.

You would think at this juncture in my life i would have found some sort of solice, some sort of happiness. but i cant seem to find any. I do have happiness in my heart, by the grace of Jesus christ. but to be able to share that with someone would be a miricle at this point. I do realize it's not going to just appear before me. I know i must work towards these things and make them happen. I might sound foolish, but maybe love, a real true genuine love isnt in my cards...is beyond me, outta my reach. maybe im not capable of a real love. But i also dont wanna give up either.
My transition back into the workforce couldnt be going more smoothly. Im so blessed to have wonderful co-workers, and for that i am truly grateful

Obama 4 President...Yes We Can!

There aren't enough words to describe the respect I have for this man. his powerful, moving, and completely sincere speech proves to me that he could possibly be one of the greatest presidents we will ever have.

It appears that many of y'all are expecting some perfect person to be our next president. Wow, are you gonna be in for a big disappointment.It's impossible for me to understand how anyone could listen to Obama's entire speech and not "get" what he's trying to tell us. In our troubled world - and is there a one of you that would not agree it IS troubled? - Obama is trying to pull us all together and remind us that as different as each of us are we are tied together as Americans...each with our own shame, faults, insecurities, prejudices...but still Americans striving to reclaim some of what we've lost and move ahead.

Of course most of the anti-Obama crowd did NOT watch his entire speech or would consider reading the transcript so naturally they can't grasp the significance of his explanation in it's entirety. These same people are so used to hearing lies from our present administration they are completely incapable of recognizing honesty and sincerity from a politician. After 7-1/2 years of Bush, we now have a chance to be represented in the highest office of our country in a completely different way, with a leader that America can finally be proud of...,and that the rest of the world can finally respect instead of hate.McCain, who would be the same as Bush, will be a divider just as Bush has been. Hillary can't garner respect...she too is divisive and abrasive. Only Obama has a vision for something different, something bigger than each one of us individually. Inexperience? Look where "experience" has gotten us so far. Wisdom doesn't come from plodding along in the wrong direction for years. It's something you either have or you don't and Obama's got it.The media is certainly partially to blame for not only this latest witchhunt but all the ones that are still to come...and there WILL be more. It's a long time until November.

National media gets hold of something inflammatory and they throw it in our faces on every TV channel and every newspaper and then local media picks up the ball and keeps running. We've got a war out of control, fifteen billion dollars a month of OUR money funding it, the economy sinking like a stone and a dozen other truly serious issues...and all McCain and his supporters have to do is sit back and enjoy the ramblings of some crazy preacher spread out in every media outlet that exists.But the tide will turn...it always does. McCain will do something incredibly stupid, or maybe something simple and not that important at all that will be blown up and plastered all over the news and that will replace Obama's stupid preacher for awhile ....and the focus will once again be off what's really important in this election. But that's the American public. :( We get all riled up for fifteen minutes and then it's over until the next thing happens to be all riled up over. We're like Chicken Little..."The sky's falling! The sky's falling!" But then it doesn't and everybody but the hard core radicals move on.I wouldn't have ever said this two years ago ago, but this episode with Obama's preacher...it WILL go away. It will be forgiven and forgotten, except by those so rabid they wouldn't have forgiven Mother Teresa if she transgressed. If anything, I think he's proven himself to be even more worthy of the presidency. :)