I've been listening to a few cd's lately- more than usualy i suppose. i've neeeded some major motivation to keep my head up. Of course i pray and give all my burdens to Jesus when i feel as tho i can handle no more on my own.
Sometimes i just need music to carry my heart, might sound funny to some, im sure. but my life has always seemed to be revolved around some sort of music, weather it be faith-based to Metal.
I've been so extremely lonely lately. I bring most of this solitation on myself. Im so stubborn, so unsure of myself. If i could wish myself away one trait i dislike about myself...im positive that would be the one.
I dont think im relationship material. I guess i never have been, Im not willing to open up the way i should. I have come to realize what some people have said about me is true Maybe i'll never find love, never get married. Maybe, just maybe my life is destined to be a solitare one.
But anyways...I digress. wasnt i talking about cd's and music? I seem to always get off track on these blogs......Maybe its the rain, who knows? Maybe its because i feel i have no security, no safe place to go....to be.
You would think at this juncture in my life i would have found some sort of solice, some sort of happiness. but i cant seem to find any. I do have happiness in my heart, by the grace of Jesus christ. but to be able to share that with someone would be a miricle at this point. I do realize it's not going to just appear before me. I know i must work towards these things and make them happen. I might sound foolish, but maybe love, a real true genuine love isnt in my cards...is beyond me, outta my reach. maybe im not capable of a real love. But i also dont wanna give up either.My transition back into the workforce couldnt be going more smoothly. Im so blessed to have wonderful co-workers, and for that i am truly grateful
1 comment:
That doesn't sound weird to me. The other day someone asked me how I get through everyday with a positive attitude. My first thought truly was music.
I know how you feel, about the relationship thing. I feel that way too. It is like, you get it wrong so many times, you wonder if you really can ever get it right. When you figure out how to get past that feeling, let me know how you did it!
BTW the things people say about you are not all true. I have been saying this since the day we started talking and I will continue to til the day I die, and in the next life if I have to. You are amazing, with so much love to give the world! Remember that!
We ALL have flaws to work on, issues to move past and overcome. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve to have that blessing of love!
I love you, my friend and I am here til the end! Even if neither one of us can't succeed at 'love' to save our lives, at least we have each other!
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