There is almost nothing like a giant cup of perfectly hot tea!

Its quite rainy this morning, I woke up to the blare of my alarm, which you think one would get used to, but no. I think I'll switch it to awake to music from now on. That cant be good for ones heart.:)

So here i sit drinkin my Green tea.. (made at home today,no coffee today.. shocker i know!). But i decided to make breakfast, so put on the kettle while i was at it. Msnbc's Morning Joe in the background, catching me up on the regurgitated news of the week. I do find Mika Brzezinski very enjoyable.

I find as i get older, well not that I wasnt always this way...but i find im loving a daily routine immensely. Does this mean I'm getting set in my ways? I love knowing what my next step of the day will be.

Ive once again been trying to do the whole "dating" thing. It really is such a over-rated ordeal. Sure, we all would like to have someone special in our lives. but to what cost, i ask you.:) Dating is like pulling teeth for an introverted person such as myself, a grueling joust of sorts, to see who speaks first, to see who ends the whole conversation for good. a race to finish what took only a few seconds to arrange. So what was the point exzactly?

When my brain doesnt shut down, when i'd rather spend the time doing something other than what i was doing at present time. I constantly joke about being Asexual or being a monk or remaining celibate for the rest of my days. But when does the laughter end, and where does the truth begin?

My Family...Oh My family. I have such a love/hate relationship with half of them at any given time. I havent spoken to my sister in over a week, and dont think I will anytime soon. I feel such guilt & dont like not being in contact...but I feel i must.

My 17 year old neice is about to have a baby any day, and my fears for her and the life shes chosen to recieve and be blessed with and the life shes chosen to give up, troubles me greatly. This child isnt ready to raise a child. I know people in their late 30 who arent ready for a child!!...so how is this baby going to teach, provide and nurture another living soul.

Once again, I take on the worries for those who seem to have none or choose to live in denial about them. :)

A few songs you should check out.

Maniac- Die Rad

Sidewalk Prophets- you love me anyways

Pink Martini- Que Sera Sera

Kris Allen- Vision of love

UYWI 2005: Jay Bakker: A Place of Safety

The Last Day of the Dinosaurs - Discovery Channel

Susan Cain: The power of introverts

What would James Dean do?

Wake up call- I woke up about 30 minutes ago to the sound of my dogs barking to go outside, so i slide on some sweats, pull on my jacket and zombie-like take them out. I did not sleep well at all last night, I have entirely too much on my mind. The bitter cold fresh air helped clear my head though, along with jolting me fully awake,:) So I come back in , give them a treat and turn the television on downstairs for them, start the coffee and start my morning routine,, i go look outside for my paper. Yet again. Its been swiped. Grrr. So here i sit, watchin old movies on TCM and comtemplating life way TOO early..

Restless night- Im still astounded everytime it happens as to how music can trigger such a strong reaction depending on what mood you may be in, or maybe a mood you didnt even know you could conjure up in that moment.

Last night i cried for what seemed like an eternity just from a simple song. Previous to hearing the song I was in high albeit tired spirits and did not feel emotional in the slightest. However by the time the third line rolled around (see vid) I was in tears. I still don't know why I was crying. I hate to cry! I think you go through so many phases in your life that it is difficult to make sense of them, let alone analyse every single one that sweeps through your mind.

Confusion- It is actually amazing how a perspective can change when competition becomes involved. is that called JEALOUSY? or just healthy competition? Example: So you think you are kind of interested in a guy, but then you arent sure, then you see them talking with someone else....and suddenly he seems more attractive? less attainable perhaps?

What is it about the ungettable that makes it so worth getting? its driving me nuts!~!

I do believe that jealousy and competition sometimes go hand in hand. You have to get that little green pang before you pull your socks up and go for what you realised you want. I don't know. Something or someone that is wanted by others seems intimidating but in a completely satisfying way..But if someone does not see you for the person you are....Is it worth it?

Maybe Ive just been reading too much of the book, Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis, psycho-analysing relationships and the misinterpreted feelings, actions and meanings that come with getting to know someone.

I know that once a third party is involved ... what you think is temporary could be something you may feel free to indulge in or with, the threat is like the lion to the gazelle. It creates a sense of seductive urgency to claim what may be taken from you.

Not implying that anyone is EVER anyone's property. But I think you might know what I mean, that being the fact that you may assume that you have the attention of the object of your desire, but as it is with people and life, you will never really know.

I love the phrase, "Object of desire." It is so romantic. Something not many people say nowadays as well, much like the word "handsome" I dont know what it is about the words we dont use anymore, and the letters we never write (because we have Facebook chat etc), and the romantic ideals that are rarely fulfilled.

I dont know what it is about the people who ignite the fires of jealousy, tingling our senses and lighting a tiny fire inside our chest that spurs us to do stupid or perhaps brave things.

http://youtu.be/EdBym7kv2IM

KONY 2012

KONY 2012 is a film and campaign by Invisible Children that aims to make Joseph Kony famous, not to celebrate him, but to raise support for his arrest and set a precedent for international justice.

Those times you are asked to prove God, but you know telling them your heart truly feels transformed won’t be enough because physical evidence is somehow all they want. Ive been dealing with this so much. I accept everyone no matter their faith, race, gender..sexual orientation....and yet Ive been attacked so much lately FOR MY love of GOD...not there's mind you.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about humans. People, as social beings, who long for relationships with other people. I don’t know where to go with this idea. On one hand I want to rant about Faith and God’s existence, and on the other hand I want to write about the word “social.”

I’m a person, I speak words, I laugh, I love, I am involved in people’s lives, I believe there is a God far bigger then I,

Then again, I’m a human, I type words to express myself, I get happy when another person chooses to follow how I live my life, I thrive on people caring about me and letting me know they actively want to know what I’m up to every day of my life, I….I…

Why are you reading this?…

As social beings, we long to be cared for, and loved. You want my love? Yea, I bet you’d ‘Like’ that. No, I don’t want anything from you, or give you a heart because you post something interesting. Meet me for a cup of coffee and tell me what makes you tick. Tell me deep down what you love and tell me why I am writing this and my eyes are watering. Let me reach across the table to touch you and ask you what your life is amounting to. You may post hateful things, so hateful , it makes me dislike you , but that’s not you. I know it’s not. Tell me your fears, and hopes, and dreams, and why your life matters. I dont think anyone has ever asked you.

Why should you read this? Why should I write this? I’m no one to you and yet if you got this far I am now a part of your life for these few few seconds. And to me, I feel special, because now I know you care, at least enough to read… I don’t know what I’m saying..

Christ Is Risen - Matt Maher - LifeChurch.tv Church Online

Gives me chills. Especially David Bowden’s spoken word in the middle… Wow