What would James Dean do?

Wake up call- I woke up about 30 minutes ago to the sound of my dogs barking to go outside, so i slide on some sweats, pull on my jacket and zombie-like take them out. I did not sleep well at all last night, I have entirely too much on my mind. The bitter cold fresh air helped clear my head though, along with jolting me fully awake,:) So I come back in , give them a treat and turn the television on downstairs for them, start the coffee and start my morning routine,, i go look outside for my paper. Yet again. Its been swiped. Grrr. So here i sit, watchin old movies on TCM and comtemplating life way TOO early..

Restless night- Im still astounded everytime it happens as to how music can trigger such a strong reaction depending on what mood you may be in, or maybe a mood you didnt even know you could conjure up in that moment.

Last night i cried for what seemed like an eternity just from a simple song. Previous to hearing the song I was in high albeit tired spirits and did not feel emotional in the slightest. However by the time the third line rolled around (see vid) I was in tears. I still don't know why I was crying. I hate to cry! I think you go through so many phases in your life that it is difficult to make sense of them, let alone analyse every single one that sweeps through your mind.

Confusion- It is actually amazing how a perspective can change when competition becomes involved. is that called JEALOUSY? or just healthy competition? Example: So you think you are kind of interested in a guy, but then you arent sure, then you see them talking with someone else....and suddenly he seems more attractive? less attainable perhaps?

What is it about the ungettable that makes it so worth getting? its driving me nuts!~!

I do believe that jealousy and competition sometimes go hand in hand. You have to get that little green pang before you pull your socks up and go for what you realised you want. I don't know. Something or someone that is wanted by others seems intimidating but in a completely satisfying way..But if someone does not see you for the person you are....Is it worth it?

Maybe Ive just been reading too much of the book, Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis, psycho-analysing relationships and the misinterpreted feelings, actions and meanings that come with getting to know someone.

I know that once a third party is involved ... what you think is temporary could be something you may feel free to indulge in or with, the threat is like the lion to the gazelle. It creates a sense of seductive urgency to claim what may be taken from you.

Not implying that anyone is EVER anyone's property. But I think you might know what I mean, that being the fact that you may assume that you have the attention of the object of your desire, but as it is with people and life, you will never really know.

I love the phrase, "Object of desire." It is so romantic. Something not many people say nowadays as well, much like the word "handsome" I dont know what it is about the words we dont use anymore, and the letters we never write (because we have Facebook chat etc), and the romantic ideals that are rarely fulfilled.

I dont know what it is about the people who ignite the fires of jealousy, tingling our senses and lighting a tiny fire inside our chest that spurs us to do stupid or perhaps brave things.

http://youtu.be/EdBym7kv2IM