Down the drain

Ever sat in the bathtub after a bath and felt the water slowly drain, lower and lower, pulling your body down against the porcelain, Each second another gurgle from the ominous source of deletion, its almost saying "Let it go"

the suds remaining on your puckered skin, alot of been washed away, but too much remains.

I sometimes sit there for long periods of time, long after the water is gone, the feeling of complete vacancy overtakes me, checked out, staring into space. Time seems to be frozen infanitely, i think to myself silently, how much i dont want those seconds to start ticking again, I hold my breath, close my eyes so tightly i see stars. Drifting somewhere outself myself, 

Jarred back into reality, tears streaming down my face. I reach for my towel, finding great comfort from its warmth, shaking off the daze.

As a human, a live, living person, that walks amongst other humans, I believe myself to be a "good " person. its weird for one to say that about themselves, im sure.   I try to assimilate to earthly feelings/living.  To say im living outself my own life, is laughable. I know im not connected to certain parts of daily life. Im a foreigner to ways, most find with ease.  I really must have a malfunction in my cranial device., a missing chip somewhere.

People around me with never get me,  Hell. I dont understand myself. I talk to myself more than is rational, I insist on talking to God, allthough lately im positive hes ignoring me. Maybe Im just not listening. 

I wont accept anymore loss,  I cant.  I will not accept anymore mistreatment of my soul.  I am sensitive,  i will not apologize anymore for that.  I cant apologize for being human,   I cant lead someone where they think they should be, I dont have that power.

When I fall,  How far will i fall?  I'm allready beyond reach.  I feel as though im on a tether, springing back into place each time, i go out too far.  Its gonna snap eventually, and when it does , Im gone, there is no return,  water down the drain.