Life & Times of a Literary Zeus

June 2nd would have beeen my daddys 74th birthday. Yes, an old man. I wish he were here to talk to. I have come to realize in my twenty-eight years that we can't ever go back. Im sure others learn it so much faster, and are better people for it. "Not i" said the foolish boy at heart.

Im so extremely tired of feeling guilty....guilty for living, smiling, feeling any array of emotions that may pass me during the day. She was so sick, He was taken entirely too soon. She always made the decision to fight, he didnt care to. What do i do?

Its the Bullshit from the past, that fogs my vision of the future and resorts my thought to being so negative i cant cope. I wanna tell People what god Has done in my life. The chance he has given me.
In my mind im a storyteller, the one who rectifys everything, makes things once broken, whole again.. But do i really know anything, ABOUT ANYTHING? all i know is what i know!.

Its okay Mama, im not gonna let anything happen to you. or to me. Everyday we had was a miricle. doesnt get easier having said that or typed it...No, but its true nonetheless. Hugs? No, ill pass. I dont wanna feel that kind pain that comes with unconditional love...My heart cant take another break. The world is a much different place without my mother, thats for certain. Its hard to connect A to B The heartstrings of my tattered family.

Dont look back you say...how can i not?
Alot of doubt and fear in my life...consume me.
How relevent are you in my life?
A message on a voicemail is worth it.
Cant delete....too final.
Just Breathe- Easier for me.
The thing about Grace, it really heals you if you let it....How can i let it? If i dont feel sad, angry......that means happiness comes into play...How can i be happy?
First gift ever given to me
...........Life.............
Symbolic i find myself not wanting to look ahead...
Just live.....its all i can do at the moment.
Day 2 day!.....Just live.