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I see the Bible as the quintessential book of stories, filled with wisdom, poetry, the hope of human potential and the consequences of human greed and fear. . I have no idea what God is. To me it’s a word that exceeds all human definition and explanation. To me, God, the Divine, the Universe... is a feeling word. I feel deeply that there is something more than me. Like any piece of literature, there are parts I find comforting, parts I disagree with, and parts that inform me. Recently, I was rereading my meditation journal and I felt comforted when I read the words “I will be found by you”  There, in that moment was the divine tenderly holding me and reminding me that I’m never lost or alone.

It’s easy to forget the unfathomable love and mercy that is the divine within me, and with me throughout my life’s journey. It’s easy to forget that I’m always on my way home no matter how banished and punished and apart I may feel. “Home” is nothing that I have to earn. It’s not that having seen the error of my ways, I’ve received forgiveness for my sinful self. It’s not the luck of the predestination draw. It’s what was always meant to happen. Home is the only reality, veiled as it may be. Home is all there is. God, the Divine, the Universe is Home.

I read those words and feel reassured and deeply grateful for the concept of God I am coming to know. It’s the realization that I was created with everything I need already on the shelf of my inner being.  God is all about teaching not judging.  God loves the student in me and seems to love studying with me. Creation is ever changing and God seems to love watching with surprise as each new moment springs into consciousness. ...There is nothing more joyous and satisfying than a “mutual” AHA shared between the creature and the Creator. But not every AHA is instantaneous. Many are born in the darkness of fear and ignorance, anger and loneliness over a lifetime. In that darkness I can feel so alone, so forgotten. I feel as invisible to the world as the world feels to me. It’s then, when the light of love grows dim and memories blur, that the Divine’s voice fills the void that doubt and fear create. With an act of gentle intimacy, the Divine puts forth its hand and touches my mouth and says to me

“Behold, I have put my words in your mouth, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down and to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.”

Breaking down and overthrowing is not “bad.” It is neither a failure of faith nor a lack of values. It is a part of the natural process leading people to plant and pluck up and to build. I have wasted too much life on the impossible task of avoiding the dark. I forgot that seeds receive nourishment under the earth so that they can bloom above it. One cannot happen without the other. Taking root, building the stamina and the intent to push through the depths into the light can be challenging and painful. As bold and blinding as the black may be, as banished and apart as I might feel, that voice has never disappeared. Even when it seemed distant and muted as a whisper, I could always hear “Push”, “Push”, “Push.”